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The Odd Couple

But what about this soulmate? He knows, is encouraging me, and is getting his own unique kicks out of it.

As with plenty of other couples, the responsibilities of work, family and the trials of everyday life had drained the energy out of us to the extent that our sex life was virtually non-existent, and not always enjoyable for me on the rare occasions it did happen. When getting dressed in the morning feels like enough physical exertion for one day; when finding a quiet half hour where either of you isn’t flaked out after a tough day at work; and when getting enough privacy in a busy house full of people is a major challenge, sex stops being a priority.

Our sexual relationship has never been what could be considered an ordinary one. He has always been a kinky bugger. I’m not here to tell his story, but his complex sexuality is an incredibly important feature of this whole arrangement. Understanding and navigating his fetishes has been a problematic process for us both. But for once, and for now at least, we have identified a rare and precious moment where our peculiar interests coincide.

There was an extremely painful break in our relationship for a while. It was complicated, destructive and hard to recover from. We both had multiple and varied sexual adventures with other people during this time, but still kept coming back to each other regularly, and eventually for good. One of the many complex reasons behind him leaving involved exploring his bisexuality. Even after ten years of committed and successful monogamy, the inevitable insecurities and doubts remained a major problem for me. Coupled with massive fluctuations in his libido and physical interest in me, I had gradually disconnected myself from him sexually.

This changed from the moment we started to talk about me having sex with other people. The idea fulfilled a long-held cuckold fetish for him, and a sense of sexual reawakening for me. For the first time in years, I became less concerned with what was getting him off, and more focused on my own enjoyment and excitement about the possibilities. There’s nothing more erotic than a woman lost in her own sexual enjoyment. Mentally and physically, we reconnected our sexual selves.

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Jezebel

I am a short, slightly overweight, middle-aged woman. And I am embarking on a sexual adventure.

I have a grown-up family who still live with me, a comfortable home, an accomplished career, and a soulmate who has been in my life for 25 years. Everything I had set out to achieve in my twenties is complete. But something remains unfulfilled.

At 47, my body is beginning to show signs of deterioration. I have always been self-conscious about my big belly, but now it has gained the texture of an abandoned, deflated, week-old balloon. My once fabulous firm arse is beginning to sag. And the wrinkly slackness of my upper arms and thighs are a constant source of shock to me.

Despite this, and because of this, I feel the need to experience, understand and enjoy my body while I still can, while I am still at my sexual peak.

I want to have sex with other people. And I want to maintain my relationship. I am a rubbish liar, and our lives are so busy and intertwined that there just wouldn’t be the space for a clandestine second life.

So I tell him. He not only agrees, but loves the idea. He’s always loved the idea

After over a decade of monogamy, the possibilities and opportunities for me to meet people have changed dramatically. The internet has provided more ways to explore, discover and connect. Sexuality and gender fluidity are more recognised than ever before and definitions have become more varied and nuanced. But we still live in a patriarchal, heteronormative society rife with slut-shaming, body-shaming and ageism. People might be furiously masturbating over Bi, MILFs, GILFs and BBWs all over the internet, but since when has pornography had anything to do with realism?

In just the few weeks so far, I have learned so much about personalities, relationships, aging, sexuality, preferences, new technologies, languages and communication practices. There is so much that I want to process and think needs to be talked about. And that’s even before we get to the juicy, sweaty, physical stuff. There will be titillating tales, but as well as the hot encounters, there are the inevitable lukewarm experiences, and most likely even the downright unpleasant ones too. All of this is true.

Each post is written as an individual piece, but it’s best to read in sequence from the beginning for the full picture. The references to film titles started when the characteristics of the first few people I met all seemed to relate to cheesy 80s movies. I love films as much as I love fucking, so I continued with the theme.

So it’s not written as a wank-piece, these are my observations about how an independent middle-aged married woman goes about finding people she likes enough to want to rub genitals with. And what happens when she does.